You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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