Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize