I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
last night I used snow as a chaser
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
