I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
