There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
