I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
