I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
