I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
