ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
