Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
