just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
