Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
