I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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