i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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