I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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