just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
