i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
