grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
