He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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