it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
