I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize