end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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