Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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