We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
