don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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