Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
