her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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