On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize