piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
