butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
