it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
