Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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