He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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