thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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