If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
