people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize