i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
