sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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