Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
