Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
