I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
