So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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