What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
