Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I smell stomach acid.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
