forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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