so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
