I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
