i just wanna soil my oats bro
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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