Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
