you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
