Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
