he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
