dude i'm inner monologue high
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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