I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize