I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
