I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
