you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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