bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
