mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
