Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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