New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
