Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize