fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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