I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
