Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my poor anus
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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