I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
