I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
